For what was at least the 12th time in the last two weeks someone phoned to warn me of a ‘virus’ that my computer has, and which was making his all-knowing threat board blink like mad. Great guy, he was very concerned about the health of my PC!
I asked, “Is my computer sending out alarm signals to you right at this moment?” Oh yes, yes it was, he said. Broadcasting planet wide a dire plea for assistance, in fact. He directed me to sit down at it and he would instruct how to rid myself of the offending file.
I explained that my computer didn’t seem to want to cooperate with me. It was frozen or something. Maybe that darned virus had already done its dirty work?
He would walk me through it. He would make sure that I took all the steps to make that fiendish virus go away. But we tried a lot of different ways to no avail.
I have to tip my hat to him – he never lost hope that he could get into the guts of my machine, and possibly get my credit card number to boot. But my machine was obstinate. It would not give him the joy he so badly wanted. It was like a steel trap to the man.
There was mounting frustration in his voice. He was actually getting annoyed at me and my thick way, his voice rising, babbling as fast as an auctioneer, tap dancing incessantly to prevent me from getting a word-in edgewise, convinced that I was simply failing to follow his set-piece procedure. “Sir, did you do as I have asked?” Yes, yes, honest! I just couldn’t get it to work.
Finally, after what must have been 15 minutes of hair-pulling agony for the guy, I asked him to solve another vexing problem. Was there any way he could restore electricity to the Red Gap area of Nanoose Bay? Our power had been out for at least 45 minutes.
Long, pained silence. A suppressed howl. A terse,”I will call you back.”
“No need,” I said. “No need at all…But thank you for your time.”