RNG (London-Pinewood) – In order to make the newest offering from the Bond franchise as realistic & gritty as possible Producer Barbara Broccoli has disclosed that Bond 25, with the working title ‘Physics Are Forever’, will be approximately 3 minutes in length, to end dramatically after Bond is hurled from a wildly gyrating Blue Tooth controlled gyro-copter during the opening scene. He then plunges downward into the bricks of Amir Timur Square in Tashkent where he dies upon impact — as you do when plummeting from a great height onto bricks.
The denouement of the film shows the gyro-copter pilot having his license revoked and being brought up on charges at Tashkent City Court, his case heard just after a suspended sentence for the man who shoplifted melons. The final cuts show the mayor shouting accusations at the Minister of Transport, who replies in Uzbek, “My good man, there must be some mistake…I don’t believe we have Blue Tooth yet.”
The film closes with yet another song using the same old Bond-ian chord progression mated to banal lyrics about some type of precious stone. Shirley Bassey has been tapped to sing the piece called ‘Zircons Are More Expensive Than You Think’ and assures fans that her high note at climax of the epic will splat violently upon the listener just as James Bond did on the unforgiving surface of the historic Central Asian square.
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