Nanoose — RNG — It all began innocently with an inflatable neck pillow thrown casually into her purse.
Nanoose resident Joy-Ellen Irk found that, as much as she liked the inflatable cushion, it simply didn’t provide enough comfort. She began to bring along her therapeutic pillow from the bed. For over three months this large and ungainly foam effort seemed to do the trick on those exhausting 20 minute drives to Qualicum. However, after someone unwisely opened a window she required a comforter to insulate from the severe temperature fluctuations.
A blankie was located. It cost $250, took up 12 cubic feet when stowed, and was emblazoned with an embroidery of her spirit animal, the tick.
A hypo-allergenic foam mattress, encased in a sleeve of lamb’s wool so virginal that it hadn’t even heard harsh language before its first shearing, was fashioned for her by Carmelite Nuns on Malta who have taken a vow of silence, as her husband also should have done at that juncture.
One of the children ordered Onion Rings at a drive thru, thoughtlessly spreading their noxious odour. With a magisterial wave of her arm the vehicle was halted, all bedding and passengers were ejected while hell and damnation rained down. Accusations were hurled; human sacrifice was narrowly avoided.
There was no other way forward than to buy a Sleep Number bed and put it in the back of the minivan.
For a time this sufficed until the airlines were required. At time of writing Joy-Ellen is at war with Air Canada over fees for cartage of a dresser, chiffonier, Louis Quinze canopy bed, sedan chair and staff of eunuch footmen — and of course her comfort giraffe, without which she would never dream of flying.
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