National dessert day


The history of National Dessert Day begins in the first century AD, when John the Baptist suggested October 14th as the date to celebrate baked goods. The man liked a good pie. But he was, it was reported, a voice calling out from the wilderness, and so his suggestion was demurred by worshippers of marzipan; had they known  how Xerxes’ eunuchs created it, they might have preferred St. John’s ideas about an old fashioned, jolly hygienic apple cobbler

            Brother Juniper, a Friar in the 13th century, was reputed to be so unusually selfless that his name is now equated with generosity. Although he offered his own cloak to an unclothed and itinerant baker wandering the streets, the man refused to accept it unless Fra Ginepro — the famous Friar’s Italian name, was willing to take some gluten-free high-fibre cupcakes in return. A swap was made, and a now topless Brother Juniper gamboled through the streets of rural Viterbo, moaning, “Gesù, adoro questi cuppi-cakey!!”

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            The Battle of Agincourt in 1415 was delayed by several days to give a wide berth to National Dessert Day, which by that time had become, if not recognized by the church, at least celebrated on October 14th by the peasantry of various western European Kingdoms. The battle was finally enjoined on October 25th, which is known as St. Crispin’s Day.

St. Crispin, as we all know,  is the patron saint of crisps, and Henry V of England believed this day augured good fortune and victory for his troops and for him, personally. In order to be certain, he carried with him unto the breech a talisman consisting of a Costco-sized bag of Sour Cream & Onion ripple chips. After his miraculous victory he supped upon them lustily, the empty bag then sewn into his battle colours and hoisted annually ever since.

I expect great things in the future from several National Days that have yet to achieve their due. March 31, for example is ‘Bunsen Burner Day’, destined to feature torchlit parades and marching bands in flame-retarded uniforms. Feb 27th is ‘World Sword Swallowers Day’. They deserve it. After all, how much have these incredible athletes done for our society? I say A LOT, although granted, mostly for morale.

However, my fave is March 15th. That is ‘Napping Day’. I am certain, nay, positive, that this one is going to catch on, man. I’m already observing it on a daily basis.


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