Ottawa – (RNG) – The Government Under-Secretary of Hokum (GUSH) has released a policy paper on suggested reforms to current Parliamentary procedures.

A ‘buffer’ agency will now separate any elected official, regardless of party affiliation, from public criticism; it is to be called the Committee for Robust Apology Proactivity (CRAP). There will additionally be a new Cabinet portfolio to be called the Ministry of Outraged Tweets (MOOT).

In an advisory capacity, the Sub-Committee of Underachieving Minds (SCUM) will assist CRAP, after meetings with DOOFUS (Department of Overweening Folderol Untouched by Sense).  DOOFUS in turn will partner with TURD (Tranches of Unexpurgated Recriminations Dept).

After a Public Meeting with WIMP (Whingeing Impotent Manipulation Panel) and FART (Fraternal Association of Retired Troublemakers) the entire position paper will be sent for final review and approval by PHLEGM (Philosophical Legerdemain Enabling Gratuitous Moping).

This should streamline the current system that begins with ‘I’ve got an idea’, and then travels laterally to ‘Great idea!’, countered immediately by ‘We hate that idea’ — after which the responsible official can either claim ‘I never said that’ or legislate plastic drinking straws out of existence.


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