Tactical Error – Gong Player Sells His Truck

A professional Gong player, Malcolm Prolepsis, recently made a real boo-boo when he sold his truck to make room for an economical Hybrid vehicle. His gong, which alone is 80″ across and weighs approximately 120 lbs, does not fit into it, nor does the huge metal stand required to hold it up.

When interviewed Mr Prolepsis expounded at some length, explaining concepts such as, “There are many things you can do with a gong. You can play it hard. You can play it soft. Well, actually those are the only two things you can do with it…”

When referred to as a ‘Gong Player’ he really got his back up, replying firmly that he likes to refer to himself as a ‘Gongiositrist’. This exalted title, he believes, makes him ‘first call’ for all the Gong gigs out there. To date he has only had one, bashing a single time at the Opening Night of the now defunct Ringling Bros, Barnum & Bailey Circus, but he remains optimistic. “When you need a man on Gong, I’m that man…”

“I had hoped”, he continued, “that anyone needing a professional Gongiositrist would already have a gong of their own that I could simply use, thereby saving me all the expense of a huge moving truck. So far this does not appear to be the case; Gong ownership is not as common as it once was.”

Our RNG interviewer was able to find a digital sample of a Gong sound online and played it via the his mobile phone, causing Mr Prolepsis to make sounds like a vomiting cat, a sign, it seemed, that the interview was over.

At press time Mr Prolepsis had found employment at a Yoga studio, whacking his Gong periodically while middle aged women pose in positions they’d never reveal to their husbands. “It’s restful work and I like that it allows me time to pursue my favourite pastime, ventriloquism”.

Rocking Gongist
Malcom Prolepsis shown here with practice gong, optimistically keeping his mobile phone at the ready.



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