Hovering Teen Destroys Home While Speaking Attic Greek

 

Nanoose Bay – (RNG) – In a spasm of outrage triggered by the confiscation of an iPhone XS, Emma Volare, 15, began hovering a foot off the floor and screamed in a language she had never known.

Emma’s displeased mother warned, “If you don’t stop hovering, young lady, I’ll take the phone away for an entire WEEK“. In response, Emma arched over backwards and ran down the stairs on her hands and feet, head-first, mouth spouting flames, frightening the cat half to death.

Hovering NOT Hoovering
HOVERING, not Hoovering!!

At the end of her patience her mother exclaimed, “That’s it. You are losing your phone for a whole month”. With that, all the furniture in the house flew around in a chaotic cyclone, smashing into flinders and rendering the antique wet bar, Granddad’s favourite, into shards of woodgrain Arborite, particle board, and Mactac.

Hovering Pianist
That’s better…

Then, in a move that she herself would later admit was provocative, mother began LOOKING THROUGH EMMA’S TEXTS. The entire west side of the house blew out and green barf came bucketing out of Emma. A passing pedestrian was lofted high into the air and fell, luckily, into a pile of fresh topsoil, soft enough to leave him uninjured. He found, however, that his skin bore scrapes that spelled the words “HELP ME” in multiple languages. Poor old Dad, slightly befuddled and tired of all the hovering, thought it read “Maytag”, revealing the limits of his French, garnered solely from reading Captain Crunch Boxes.

Onlookers were able to see one brave soul proffering his own mobile phone to Emma as a peace offering, which was taped to the end of a very long tree branch. As he panther-crawled toward her he mumbled, “The Spirit of Steve Jobs Compels Thee…”

 

Vince R Ditrich © 2019 :: All Rights Reserved :: Random Note Generator :: A One-Man Magazine :: http://www.randomnotegenerator.com

 

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