Juicy Cuts

Sometimes the local publication doesn’t get the juicier bits – they get saved for the internet!

:: Big, Fat, Stupid Turd Stands in Blizzard and Says, “This Doesn’t Feel Like Global Warming to Me”. Goes on to run for public office.

:: Co-Worker Delivers Histrionic Funeral Tribute That Makes Gathering Wish She Were the Dead One.

:: Petro-Can Directors Laugh Fiendishly as Yet Another Motorist Requires Second Loonie After Third Tire

:: Orphan Bully Gets Punched in the Nose – Has No One to Run Home To

:: Teenage Hitler Sullenly Yells at Mother “Why Don’t You Blame Me For Starting World War Two While You’re at It?”

:: Severe Mumbler Certain Everyone Had Been On-Board With His Plan

:: Children Inherit Intelligence From Their Mother Notes Father of Idiots

:: Man Survives Another Day – Can’t Locate Pen for Suicide Note

:: Broke Stripper Wishing to Sport Ink Barters Tit for Tat

:: Passive-Aggressive Who Says, “But That’s OK” After Every Grievance is Hurled Out Window. Dies. But That’s OK.

:: Retired Coal Miner Unimpressed that Teenage Granddaughter ‘Exhausted’ After Trip to the Mall.

:: “It SHOULD Work” Says Unhelpful Customer Service Tech Who Who Did Not Know He Could Be Choked Through the Telephone