Modern Romance

There, in his parents’ basement the young man hatched his Valentine’s Day plan.

He did not consult her before his proposal. No, no. It was going to be a surprise! The biggest, most wonderful surprise ever. It was going to be like an old-time romantic movie.

A fella needed to buy a diamond engagement ring – and the rule of thumb was to spend two months’ salary on it. There’s no flex in the matter; he’d seen it on TV and in print. Diamond, gold, two months wages.

He did not consult her before his proposal. No, no. It was going to be a surprise!

The plan? Meet her at a restaurant and kneel before her between dinner and dessert. She would squeal and blush, accepting the ring and his proposal, of course. The other patrons would applaud, and one nice couple would send them a bottle of bubbly in congratulations.

He looked at his bank account. $116.

$116 was not enough even for a box for a diamond ring. Having no experience with jewelry except a Pukka shell necklace, he chose an obese cluster of semi-precious stones from Costco. It was on clearance and was bigger, too. He only had to borrow $60 from his Dad.

For dinner he chose White Spot. She brought along two friends, but he was not deterred. After the girls shared a large plate of fries he kneeled before her very conspicuously. A family at the next booth thought he might have lost a contact lens and offered to assist. She was on her iPhone, taking a Selfie.

Red and sweating, he popped the question. There was a long silent pause as she glanced left and right at her two friends, then craned to look behind her. She finally responded, “Dude”, because she was not completely sure of his name. “Are you talking to ME?”


French Fry Fist


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